2003-08-02

loopychew: (Default)
2003-08-02 06:34 pm
Entry tags:

A public word to those of you who envy other people's LJs:

Don't. Everyone's lives contain conflict; it's a simple matter of disclosure.

I was originally planning on mentioning this as gently as possible sometime in the future, because it's true, and I know a few people who envy other people their simple, happy LJ tales. However, because of recent developments of the past few hours in our household, it's coming out a bit differently from the way I was expecting it to, and I've decided to post it now to get it off of my chest.

Think of it this way: There are a lot of people whose LJs are full of angst. These people are not necessarily depressed and angry all the time; it just happens that they don't feel the need to talk about things until they get really upset. Now, logically, if there are people out there that are living all right lives but post angstly LJs, there're likely to be people who don't have a very good life, but happen to post when their emotions tend to be positive, so they can pass their happiness along.

Everyone's lives, no matter what they show outside, are riddled with life's highs and lows. Just because people don't mention anything but one or the other does not mean the other side does not exist, little or large. It's a simple matter of balance. I tend to have a happy/silly LJ, but that's because I don't enjoy discussing particularly unpleasant things at length. If I do post an angry/depressed post, I tend to make'em either short, or full of self-analysis. Hell, I just posted one of the latter a few minutes ago. But look at the very first entry in my LJ--back when it was still public. What was it? An entry about a funeral. The funeral of an older brother I loved to no end, a brother who loved me to no end, and who met his untimely demise thanks to a shitty seatbelt, an aggressive driver, shotgun seat statistics, SUV design, and bad luck, one hot day on a highway between San Francisco and Los Angeles. Does that sound like a pleasant life to you? I assure you, it can be, but there are times when I just feel so deep down in the shitter I wanna get away from it all. I've already established my intent never to commit suicide, but sometimes running off and exploring Europe with nothing but limited access to money, a notebook, a sketchpad, various utensils, and my computer sound like a good option.

Still, instead of running off to explore the romantic side of Europe, I'm here in my room, pecking away at my keyboard. I could say I was doing this as a matter of seeing if I could tough it out; however, that's not entirely true. Nor is it that I'm doing this solely because I don't know how my parents would react, though that's probably a factor. More than likely? I'm a lazy ass. Too tired, too depressed to do much beyond IRCing all day, slacking around a computer lab, eating, and getting away from life, one game of Dance Dance Revolution at a time.

I'm not a miserable man, by any means. I'm actually pretty happy about my life. I just appear to be caught up in a bad mood, and posting it publically, for the first time in a long while. See? We're human, too. And by no means flawless.

Remember that, when you think of your life. Do not envy others their happiness, because they are having, have had, or will have the same bad times as you are going through. And, eventually, nature's law of balance will pick up again, and you'll be thrust back into good times.