Date: 2005-10-05 03:57 am (UTC)
When I was 3, I spoke fluent Vietnamese to the point of seriously impressing my entire family, and this isn't just "aww, in't she cute" sort of thing.

By the time I was 13, I'd almost forgotten it all, except for the most rudimentary phrases, and since I'd never learned to read it at that age, was completely illiterate in it. When I realized this, I started trying to take steps to remedy it. This was also, incidentally, around the time that I started getting into animé and hanging around Impro (though really the two happened at around the same time), and in fact one of the things that really hit me about that was the fact that I was considering learning Japanese because a bunch of people I liked were into things that were originally Japanese--while not even being able to hold a full, in-depth conversation with my parents without it being mostly in English. So Japanese was put on the back burner.

Granted, I took the lazy kid's way of taking it back--listening to music, re-watching my favorite dubbed-into-Vietnamese TVB series, etc. We've never really lived in an area with a lot of other Vietnamese people around, so it's not as if I ever had any conversational practice with people my age, and even at family events most of the kids in my generation were equally, if not more, Americanized. I puzzled together the basic logic of writing by actually paying attention to the rote formulae we used to write in our birthday cards to family, and asking mom for ways to say more things.

I'm not saying this to say that I'm better than you or anything like that. It was really difficult and I still wouldn't say I'm anywhere more than almost-fluent, and there's still a helluva lot that I don't know. But if you want to take it back, it's not impossible. And it is always, always, worth it. This is going to sound preachy here, but I really do feel a lot better saying that my heritage is Vietnamese, knowing that there is something there for me, than I ever did at 13.

As you said, it's your call, basically. But don't feel guilty about it.
If you don't want to, there is no problem and no reason for guilt. It's not what you want, and that's that--nothing's changed.
If you do want to, the only reason to feel guilt is if you doubt yourself, or don't think you have enough time, or whatever. If you don't have enough time, there's nothing to feel guilty about there. If you doubt yourself, well, you shouldn't. As you said, you can speak and understand a good amount already, and if you wanted to build on that, I don't think you'd have too much of a problem with it.

There's more to culture and heritage than language, of course, but without the language, I think it becomes much harder to relate to them as your own. Which is one of the reasons why that guy that spoke to you pisses me off, but you've basically said everything I had to say there.

I really do admire you, Chu. I hope I didn't just insult you. \:
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