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Sep. 19th, 2010 02:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
loopychewDay 19 - Something You Regret
In the sophomore year of high school, the year before I moved to Switzerland, I had the largest crush on a girl ever (up to that point). She sat behind me in biology class, played lacrosse (as people in my hometown do), long brown hair, and a warm smile.
The (numbered?) bullet points to this story:
1. Boy likes girl.
2. Girl rejects boy's offer when he comes upon a pair of tickets to an awesome concert. (You may have heard that bit before.) Boy is crushed. (Boy enjoys concert anyway, but that's less relevant.)
3. Boy discovers he's moving to Switzerland.
4. Girl writes confession of crush in boy's yearbook.
5. Boy is paralyzed and doesn't actually do anything before he leaves for Switzerland.
You can look at these events in at least two different ways:
1. Bullet point five is simply an early indication of boy's inability to seek and instigate intimacy.
2. Bullet point two caused bullet point five.
Either interpretation is something I've thought about at some point. I've always wondered how life would've been different if boy had the stones to ask girl out, how many things that may have changed had that one seed been planted (not intended as sexual innuendo, but I suppose it works as such).
I can't say my life would have been better--looking back, I didn't know her all that well, but I WANTED to--but I'd like to think that I would've had more self-confidence when it came to women if I went through that at least once before going on my merry. As is, of all the major crushes I've had as time went by, most of them ended in cruel punchlines: one turned out to be a lesbian, another married my best friend at the time, and I really cannot find an easy way of summing up the piece of work that is (and the travails I went through for) the last one.
Still, it isn't all bad. I'm still on speaking terms with the lesbian and the best friend who married my other crush, another one that wasn't mentioned in the last paragraph stayed one of my best friends, and everything that happened with that last piece of work ended up with her ex becoming another one of my closest friends.
I don't know if "regret" is the right word choice here, because who knows what would've happened if any of these actually happened? My life is pretty awesome right now, regardless of intimate relations (or lack thereof). But knowing the answer would put to bed one of the biggest "what ifs" in my life.
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment
In the sophomore year of high school, the year before I moved to Switzerland, I had the largest crush on a girl ever (up to that point). She sat behind me in biology class, played lacrosse (as people in my hometown do), long brown hair, and a warm smile.
The (numbered?) bullet points to this story:
1. Boy likes girl.
2. Girl rejects boy's offer when he comes upon a pair of tickets to an awesome concert. (You may have heard that bit before.) Boy is crushed. (Boy enjoys concert anyway, but that's less relevant.)
3. Boy discovers he's moving to Switzerland.
4. Girl writes confession of crush in boy's yearbook.
5. Boy is paralyzed and doesn't actually do anything before he leaves for Switzerland.
You can look at these events in at least two different ways:
1. Bullet point five is simply an early indication of boy's inability to seek and instigate intimacy.
2. Bullet point two caused bullet point five.
Either interpretation is something I've thought about at some point. I've always wondered how life would've been different if boy had the stones to ask girl out, how many things that may have changed had that one seed been planted (not intended as sexual innuendo, but I suppose it works as such).
I can't say my life would have been better--looking back, I didn't know her all that well, but I WANTED to--but I'd like to think that I would've had more self-confidence when it came to women if I went through that at least once before going on my merry. As is, of all the major crushes I've had as time went by, most of them ended in cruel punchlines: one turned out to be a lesbian, another married my best friend at the time, and I really cannot find an easy way of summing up the piece of work that is (and the travails I went through for) the last one.
Still, it isn't all bad. I'm still on speaking terms with the lesbian and the best friend who married my other crush, another one that wasn't mentioned in the last paragraph stayed one of my best friends, and everything that happened with that last piece of work ended up with her ex becoming another one of my closest friends.
I don't know if "regret" is the right word choice here, because who knows what would've happened if any of these actually happened? My life is pretty awesome right now, regardless of intimate relations (or lack thereof). But knowing the answer would put to bed one of the biggest "what ifs" in my life.
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment
