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Inspired by the Everyday Superheroes Fanfic Challenge in which people take normal-people fandoms and give a character or characters super powers, I present random Jeffisms from the lost Coupling episode, "The man with two hands" (soon to be turned into an actual fanfic probably, but these are the best parts to write):
(For those who've never seen the UK version of Coupling:
1. Watch it.
2. Jeff is a Welshman, which should more than explain anything you're about to read.)
St: "You mean to tell me you can move things with your mind?"
J: "Yeah! It's like having a pair of...phantom hands, you know, that you can turn on and off. Like a torch."
St: "...a torch?"
J: "Well, it's not like I press a button or anything, but..."
J: "The great part about this whole moving-stuff-with-my-mind thing? Instant cleavage on any woman I fancy! My phantom hands just squeeze their breasts together and--"
St: "--that's enough, Jeff--"
J: "--and it's great, because normally women just get cross and slap me!"
J: "And the other great thing, the other great thing about phantom hands? They can hold my porn in front of me, while my REAL hands--"
St: (over Jeff's now-obscured words) "Another scary place in my mind, I believe it's up to fifteen-thousand seven--"
J: "--or the other way around--"
St: "--fifteen thousand EIGHT--"
St: "Jeff, I hope you don't mind it terribly if I asked you to keep your phantom hands off my girlfriend's breasts!"
(For those who've never seen the UK version of Coupling:
1. Watch it.
2. Jeff is a Welshman, which should more than explain anything you're about to read.)
St: "You mean to tell me you can move things with your mind?"
J: "Yeah! It's like having a pair of...phantom hands, you know, that you can turn on and off. Like a torch."
St: "...a torch?"
J: "Well, it's not like I press a button or anything, but..."
J: "The great part about this whole moving-stuff-with-my-mind thing? Instant cleavage on any woman I fancy! My phantom hands just squeeze their breasts together and--"
St: "--that's enough, Jeff--"
J: "--and it's great, because normally women just get cross and slap me!"
J: "And the other great thing, the other great thing about phantom hands? They can hold my porn in front of me, while my REAL hands--"
St: (over Jeff's now-obscured words) "Another scary place in my mind, I believe it's up to fifteen-thousand seven--"
J: "--or the other way around--"
St: "--fifteen thousand EIGHT--"
St: "Jeff, I hope you don't mind it terribly if I asked you to keep your phantom hands off my girlfriend's breasts!"
Dammit, Chu!
::runs away, sobbing::
You mean...